blackbird

blackbird singing in the dead of night / take these broken wings and learn to fly / all your life / you were waiting for this moment to arise / blackbird singing in the dead of night / take these sunken eyes and learn to see / all your life / you were waiting for this moment to be free (the beatles)

if there is no way but only going what happens next? do we finally feel free or do we get lost?

inside all of us is hope

i hope all of you had a wonderful christmas. most of the time i think i don't like it... but i do. very much so. having your family around in this quiet night, in the only really quiet and peaceful night a year has to offer is pretty great. i am so thankful for having such an awesome family. i'm thankful for still having grandparents, for having a cat, that's pretty old and pretty awesome, for having wonderful brothers and lots of other people i love... and i love spending christmas with those people.

we drive / time flies

i love being on the road. it doesn't matter if i go by train or by car... i just love it. that feeling of being nowhere. having time to do nothing but look. that's almost everything i ever dream of. sit there, be quiet and look. with and open mouth. with an open heart. never being able to believe how great things are. never being able to realize, why time stands still while you move. why you don't move but get moved. these days i'd love to have a car again. besides all things about it i don't like. i do love that feeling of freedom...

home is...

i grew up at the bottom of that hill. it's not a real mountain but it's the only one around. and it is so, so, so special. i think i might know every corner and niche there. i know the paths, the smell, the wind, that can make you cuckoo and completely mad... and all the special plants and places there. and the view. oh this view i love so much. it's nothing special and not a big thing. but i love it. it feels like everything there would be mine. it's kind of funny and weird... when i see this mountain in spring i think this might be the time i love it the most, than in autumn i'm sure now this must be the greatest thing... and in winter and summer it is even better.

ten skies

even though there is sun all over vienna for weeks i don't take too much pictures these days. there is a lot of work to be done. i had to work quite a bit in my daytime job and there are orders to be finished. it is also about time to think about christmas presents, baking cookies and drinking tee.

whenever there is no time to take pictures i go through old ones and sort them in new ways. i love the movies of james benning. and i love the idea of ten skies. here are ten skies that blew my mind away...

i'm one of the fallen leaves / covering your garden

right now there is so much in my life. autumn freaks me out in so many ways. and getting older freaks me out in even more ways. with the start of september (which is the month of my birthday) i start to get crazy. this crazyness lasts all winter long. november and december are always the peak because everything is so hectic and loud and there is so much all around. that's why i love christmas, even if i don't want to love it... because it gets so calm. and after christmas light comes back and things start to turn back into the way i love them.

sometimes i feel i run through life with a heart so wide open it starts to hurt. and it starts to get overwhelmed with emotion.

catching sunlight

there's not much to say. i try to get every glimpse of sunshine as long as it lasts and for the first time in this year i wish it would get cold. i wish there would be snow. in fact i was dreaming of it and now i'm longing for it which is a little crazy after all my whining about warmth an sun and hating winter. i guess maybe there is a right time for everything. right now it's time for winter...

i spent the fall turning over new leaves

our days in the sun / are quickly passing

there was one more weekend in vienna that felt like spring in autumn. exactly what i was hoping and wishing for... turning autumn and winter into spring and summer. well, there were no leaves on the trees, but it made quite a great noise to walk through fallen leaves. the grass was not really green, but the sky was blue and you can't always get what you want, especially not when it comes to seasons. we were walking like through the whole wiener wald. from one cardinal point to another. it felt like at least twenty kilometres... actually i think it was between ten and fifteen. but it felt awesome. my mind started to get clear for once and it almost felt like spring. except that stupid winter time and the fact, that it gets dark between four and five in the afternoon which is extremely bugging me. but whatever, it was a great day. i have to spend much more days like this. slow. a lovely friend and i had the idea of balancing on slack lines over fallen yellow leaves to catch these last warm sun beams with our hair and absorb it in our hearts to get through winter... but it was not that kind of warmth. we'll do that in spring as soon as the first warm sunbeams are coming out.

wild like children

here's a decision i made. i'll make autumn and winter into summer this year... no matter what i said before about not working in this seasons. i'll try my best and i'm going to make this work. i'll try to breathe and live as much freedom and happiness, high spirits and cockiness as when there is always sun around. because no matter if there is sun around or not. there is always love around. and if my heart and soul is finally going to explode because it is always way too full, i want it to happen because it is overwhelmed with love and good things and not with melancholy. now that's a plan.

i'm going to work on new pieces and patterns the whole weekend. and i'm still going on with the relaxing programm... knitting, wandering through the city, eating wonderful food and reading. this summer i read "the children of bullerby" in the park and at the lake. now they are huge role models in the freedom-thing.