we get hurt, we get lost, we get found

"there's a kiss / there's a fight / there are dreams"
"... i can't feel anything / i just keep going"

yesterday a complete stranger started a conversation with me in a supermarket. it's a strange world where you get suspicious because someone asks you something. at first i was suspicious, i have to admit that. but than the conversation went on and on and i kind of got lost in it. it started with mozzarella cheese, went on to italy, croatia and sharks, thomas bernhart and claus peymann, the theatre, art, travelling and the opera. i love conversations where you start at one point and end somewhere completely different. a talk like a ping-pong game. one thing follows another and everything makes sense. during the conversation and in the end. these days it's the little things that make me happy and that make my day. and these forty minutes or something made my day. i learned how to get standing tickets in the opera and that the opera can be a kind of therapy. now i think i have to try that, even if i never ever thought i would be that kind of person that would ever go into the opera. i think i smiled during the whole conversation because i love that kind of talking. that kind that makes absolutely no sense and at the same time most sense of all...

and today there was a visit at the ikea, shopping at ikea also makes no sense and it makes completely happy... a pavillon for the upcoming markets had to be bought. and there was prinzesstarta and the other great tart. and swedish cranberry juice. and a lot of rain. and a pretty awesome gardenchair that had to wait because there was no free hand to carry it home.

my heart is as strong as a drummer

"slow down, please, slow down / i need to find peace anywhere in me / i feel like i'm under water, struggling to get air / i feel like i'm lost in this body, trying to get inside my head / i wanna know what i'm thinking what i'm feelin / what i want my life to be / i wanna know how i plan to make things easier / for everyone but me" (those dancing days)

"may you grow up to be righteous / may you grow up to be true / may you always know the truth / and see the lights surrounding you / may you always be courageous / stand upright and be strong / may you stay forever young" (bob dylan)

i've been ill for so, so many days. my throat, my lung, my head... i felt really, really bad. and it still isn't over. i've been sleeping for days. not so much at nights because i spent those coughing like crazy and until my head and everything else inside me went cuckoo. but crazy as i am i was also working on new pieces... there are two new cardigans for men finished and six apron dresses. there are a few more pieces to be done. then there will be a new photoshooting.
i always believed one can live happy for ever and ever and every day must be great. these days i've learned that life is not like that. maybe. there are some days or hours that are great and worth everything. but not everything is colored and shiny. these last two days had quite a couple of wonderful, sparkling hours in them... seeing "allo darlin" two days in a run was pretty great. i love their optimism, their heartwarming summersongs, their smiles... i think i thought life should always feel like these songs.
i've lost trace in so many ways. i'm not quite sure my heart is really as strong as a drummer. in fact i don't think so anymore. when the future turns and all things one believed in change or seem to be lost, things are weird. sometimes i think, things are going to be good, i just have to learn lots of lots of things and sometimes i think i would love to run... run and find a life that feels like an "allo darlin" song...

el condor pasa ...

i need to share some more pictures of my visit in salzburg at a pretty awesome friend of mine in january. i'm still thinking about these two days in the mountains and in nature. i ate "pofesen" for the first time in my life... quite a lot of them. and i loved them. they are something like soulfood. and i drank schnaps at noon for the first time in my life which was not so good... but ok and i handled it without vomiting :) and i slept in such a cold, cold room. and it was oh so wonderful. being in a house that is heated with wood is very special. everything smells special, cozy and warm. and there was an evening with singing and they let me to sing together with them even if they were way better than i am. i loved it. "el condor pasa" was one of the songs we sang, and it didn't work out so well. but at least it was a big laugh. so here's another thank you for these lovely days...

rise

"look how low i've sunk / don't ask me to rise"
"we can make plans / i'll give all i can / you were my man / on the gold coast sand / we can break plans / i'll keep all i can / you'll be my friends / and start over again / and you can go i can't find you / there's no space, there's no time / but don't leave my mind" (azure ray)

another concert. it's only the end of february and there have been more concerts than in all of the last years. years ago i listened to azure ray once. i think there must be a cd somewhere in this house. but we can't find it. maybe it was never there. i think they were too sad for me back than. now i loved them. these wonderful sweet fairies were awesome on stage. their dresses, their appearance, their echo, their sound... and these wonderful sad lyrics. i loved their story of being friends like forever and always being able to make each other laugh. friends are very special. and you need to keep those you love the most forever. no matter how hard things are sometimes. there was sun in vienna for these last days... i can't help but think of slacklines in the sun. and falling down again, and again, and again.

and good morning - midnight is working... we have a new skirt and a new dress. the whole march will be full of sewing new pieces. and the following month will be full of sewing old pieces for the upcoming shows and fairs. today another confirmation arrived. good morning - midnight will be part of the wonderful webermarkt haslach. we are so much looking forward to this.

budapest #3

i just loved budapest...

budapest #2

we'll do it all / everything / on our own / we don't need / anything / or anyone / i don't know where / confused about how as well / just know that these things will never change for us at all / if i lay here / if i just lay here / would you lie with me / and just forget the world? (snow patrol)

budapest

oh my... i was in budapest. and after that i was in praque. looking under every stone for something. for a path. for a sign. for something, that means something. budapest is just a few hours train ride away from vienna and i've never been there before. i have no idea why. it is awesome and i loved it oh so much. there is a spa around every corner, the city glows in the dark and the danube is just amazing. and the bridges. these wonderful bridges. i wandered through the city for one day and visited the gellert-spa the other day. and this awesome gellert-spa. i loved it so much. one can't compare it to this soulless spas around here. it was so different. old and atmospheric and warm and special. i felt so good there in this warm and special water... and under this warm and special showers. and in this fantastic old building. i'm in love with budapest. and i want to go for a swim in the gellert every week from now on. every day to be honest.

but first of all there are a couple of other things to do. i couldn't get myself to work on new pieces for quite some time. now i have to. and it must be a hint of fate. good morning - midnight is going to be part of the FrauenKunstHandwerksmarkt ottensheim and the modepalast vienna. and this is going to be a new adventure. and such an enormous step. there is so much to in this next week and months. and i'm so excited. oh so excited. i could jump. and run around like crazy. but first of all, i'm going to make a plan. we are going to need a plan. and at the same time i still want to hit the road. zurich would be great. rome too. and berlin. and amsterdam... and there are concerts to visit. and new recipes to try...

and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever...

everyday / is not silent / everyday / is not grey
but how often you may question the questions again /
not every wine is a headache / nor's every headache a rhyme /
everyday... is neither silent / nor is it just grey (valina)

another day, another concert. another day, another dance as ballboy sing in a wonderful song. i'm hitting the road at the moment. haunting from one place to another, looking for things that mean something. or for nothing that means everything. at the moment the ship to escape leads to budapest. and ship to escape is a song by valina. last weeks concert. and this was oh so different. both great. both so completely ... different.

i saw francis international airport play live for the first time a couple of years ago as a support for bishop allen. i loved them very much. they were a bit too sad as a support for bishop allen. but they were awesome. this time they were the headliner. diver was the support. wonderful, lovely, heartwarming. "we get hurt, we get lost, we get found"... a glimpse of hope, a promise? i would love not to get found but to find myself. somewhere between concerts, walks on tops of mountains and places, i've never seen before. turning around every stone. looking for something as judith hermann writes in one of her stories. and francis international airport were pretty great, also heartwarming and full of fantastic lyrics and breaks. a little grey and silent. but everyday is not silent nor is it just grey. some days are blue and green and pink and bright white. and wonderful.

rear windows

i see the fire burn / from my window tonight (agnes kain)

there is sun in vienna. and i'm heading to budapest the day after tomorrow. and to prague next week. i'm going to sleep on different couches in different cities. and i hope there won't be any fires in front of the windows there. and no other things too spectacular. i want to see the markets in budapest, the spas and indoor pools. and i'm excited to go couchsurfing for the first time in my life. i'm not quite sure if my trip to salzburg and the stay at this wonderful, warm home of a good friend can be outdone... but i think that's not the point...

dissidents of silence

"the future isn't what it used to be - it is yours! - can i please be a part of it?"
"we all became a friend / with the sun for a while / i've seen her quite often / and soon i was blind"
"how the bad times burn down - slowly"
(valina)

"when the times change / and you don't complain / i'm all so sick of this / when your house burns / and your future turns / i'm all so sick of this" (monochrome)

ohlalala... even if things are crazy someone should do things one loves the most. besides going outside i love going on concerts. seeing bands. listening to music is one thing. seeing bands play live is something completely different. experiences from the past told me that it doesn't really matter if you know a band very well, if you loved them before or if you have known them already for a long time. if you see an awesome band live, you love them. very much. great concerts always go straight into my body and into my mind. i've never been to linz before and i've never seen valina live. i hardly knew them before. and it was pretty awesome... every time something great is over i would love to see or experience it again. and again, and again, and again.
more about that from another point of view over here: hell yeah!