new years resolution #2

people say that your dreams / are the only things that save you
come on baby in our dreams / we can live on misbehavior (the arcade fire)

i'm always looking for perfection. in every aspect of life... sometimes this gets a little bit too much. i do not really find my way by trial and error, i try to go through everything, think about everything, put things into pieces and try to find my way by making logical decisions. i'm a libra - well, i do not really believe in those things - but i always try to find a perfect way. i really want to stop putting myself under so much pressure by wanting to do things in a perfect way. a little bit of imperfection can't be that bad...

new years resolution #1

something filled up / my heart with nothing / someone told me not to cry
now that i'm older / my heart is colder / and i can see that it's a lie (the arcade fire)

so here's the number one resolution for 2011: i'll try to synchronize my heart with my mind. i'll learn to feel what i see and see what i feel. i'll learn, not to see my head, but also my heart as a motor. sometimes you get so lost in between all the things you do in life, you forget to live, you forget to stand still and fill your heart with all the good things around. i have no idea where things are going. but i've got the feeling that it's going to be pretty great. all the best to all of you for 2011. love, m.


blackbird singing in the dead of night / take these broken wings and learn to fly / all your life / you were waiting for this moment to arise / blackbird singing in the dead of night / take these sunken eyes and learn to see / all your life / you were waiting for this moment to be free (the beatles)

if there is no way but only going what happens next? do we finally feel free or do we get lost?

inside all of us is hope

i hope all of you had a wonderful christmas. most of the time i think i don't like it... but i do. very much so. having your family around in this quiet night, in the only really quiet and peaceful night a year has to offer is pretty great. i am so thankful for having such an awesome family. i'm thankful for still having grandparents, for having a cat, that's pretty old and pretty awesome, for having wonderful brothers and lots of other people i love... and i love spending christmas with those people.

we drive / time flies

i love being on the road. it doesn't matter if i go by train or by car... i just love it. that feeling of being nowhere. having time to do nothing but look. that's almost everything i ever dream of. sit there, be quiet and look. with and open mouth. with an open heart. never being able to believe how great things are. never being able to realize, why time stands still while you move. why you don't move but get moved. these days i'd love to have a car again. besides all things about it i don't like. i do love that feeling of freedom...

home is...

i grew up at the bottom of that hill. it's not a real mountain but it's the only one around. and it is so, so, so special. i think i might know every corner and niche there. i know the paths, the smell, the wind, that can make you cuckoo and completely mad... and all the special plants and places there. and the view. oh this view i love so much. it's nothing special and not a big thing. but i love it. it feels like everything there would be mine. it's kind of funny and weird... when i see this mountain in spring i think this might be the time i love it the most, than in autumn i'm sure now this must be the greatest thing... and in winter and summer it is even better.